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Difficulty Level
I’m Lazy And Horny And Don’t Have Time For This, I Just Want To Masturbate
Okay, OKAY, there’s no need to get aggressive about it, I understand. If you’re zero interested in personalizing, molding, or otherwise wasting your time getting your hands dirty with something that isn’t…you know, then I might have the ideal solution for you:
Just go looking around your house, find something phallus-shaped, and go to town. DONE.
No, I’m kidding. Well, I’m not, really.
This is where I literally tell you what stuff you can use to shove up your cooch for a good time.
A Word Of Caution
Okay, first thing’s first: never ever use things that are:
- Sharp
- Breakable
- That can leave splinters or shards inside you
- Likely to hurt you in any way
In addition, you will have to do your best to wash and/or sanitize these objects, if at all possible.
Now, for the tutorial. Don’t worry, this will be short:
STEP 1: Take your object and put a condom on it. Always.
What’s that? Sometimes use a condom?
NO. ALWAYS.
That ensures that you are protected from any bacteria may be on the object and it makes it easier to slide in. And speaking of sliding:
STEP 2: Pour lube onto your object
You need lube. Always use lube.
STEP 3: Go pleasure yourself!
Okay, now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s see what household objects you can defile.
If you get horny in the fruits & vegetables isle:
- Carrot
- Banana
- Leek
- Cucumber
- Egg plant
- Asparagus
- Pepper (not the spicy kind!)
- Zucchini
- Rhubarb
- Corn
If you’re raiding dad’s toolbox or your beauty kit:
- Makeup brush handle
- Hammer handle
- Mascara
- Remote control
- Hair brush handle
- Tennis racket handle
- Pan handle
- Popsicle
- Screwdriver handle
- Shampoo bottle
- Marker
- Candle
- Electric toothbrush handle
- Baseball bat
- Perfume bottle
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